UPDATES
THIS SPACE HARBOURS MY THOUGHTS- IDEAS- MEMORIES- CONDRADICTIONS- ETC.
“thoughts” is meant to serve as a curation of moments or inspired things in
my life. you could say it is a journal entry to a certain degree. in its most rudimentary discriptor - it serves as an outlet for my thoughts in the now.
Now i must ask of you not to take to the formating of these ‘articles’ they will change, be deleted, my ideas and view points WILL evolve- this is all just part of the ramble.
FEB -14/25
The chorus to “Wristwatch” hits me like a truck—every time. I can feel my chest well up. The minor tuning and the dragging, whining of the guitars takes me to a place I wouldn’t be able to find on my own. Not sure what it is—I believe I am still trying to figure it out for myself... MJ Lenderman and the Wind take me there. There’s something real special that I know I’ll appreciate for a long time.
The whole week leading up to this show, I was giddy. I was excited to be taking on Valentine’s Day for myself. No boy troubles, no bullshit—just me, my good friend Van, and some great music.
Another thing I noticed about MJ is that gapped tooth he’s got—I’ve got the same thing, and I think that, strangely, the physicality of that makes him so much more palatable to me, which might sound so dumb—but this is a genuine thought. Not sure how that works. I just feel this resonance to his lyrics.
He said in an interview that he reads quite a lot.
I've never really cared much for Valentine’s Day. Even my past partners could probably vouch for that, if that was something that ever stuck with them. It’s funny what sticks with people—you know?
But this Valentine’s Day was something special. Van and I went to go see MJ Lenderman. It was a productive day. I gathered my things and hit the road, did some errands—I’m leaving for New York next Tuesday—and met Van. The concert began. I got merch: a T-shirt, and a cassette for a dear friend that couldn’t make it. The resale ticket prices were too expensive, and I thought of her throughout the whole show. MJ came on and we jammed out. He played “Wristwatch” third and “Knockin’” as his second-to-last encore. It was beautiful. His voice is something else. I love it.
You know, the day prior I heard a story of a girl who lost her life to a drunk driver? That type of shit happens around here. The whole day leading up to the show I was slipping into an existential, floaty space—which is such a turn-off.
There was even a moment when I reached into my bag, as I was driving—stacked with 16 safety pins. As I was fishing around for one, I thought, What are the chances I pull out the one that Monica had used as the “sample”? And lo and behold, I pulled it out. I was driving down the 101. I looked, and it was the sample safety pin—and that moment scared me shitless. But I also felt this pukey feeling in my stomach the most I’ve really felt emotionally in sometime. It transformed from there, and for a moment, I was undeniably optimistic and ebb & flowing.
On my ride home from the show—it was about 12:40 a.m. the next morning—I ran directly over the corpse of a skunk. It didn't hit the wheels or anything like that. It just slipped right under my car. My heart dropped, yet in the back of my mind I thought, “Perfect fit,” and drove on.
As I reached the outskirts of my bubble, I thought again of the girl who'd lost her life to a DUI. I was getting antsy, yet I was in my safe zone. I'd passed the “Welcome to Orange County” sign on the 5. I drove on. I hit the canyon and sped down the dark road. My luck. No lights, no cops. Just as I was approaching that turn in the canyon to my sweet little beach town, I saw lights flashing—a lot of them. Fire trucks, police cars. A car flipped over. Another, undeniably destroyed.
What a mess. I bit my tongue. What a fucking mess. I was just 10 minutes from home, but I was in my safety zone. I'm thankful, and I'm grateful. I said a quick prayer and moseyed on home, trying to emotionally distance myself from the catastrophe I’d just witnessed.
Well, now I know where all the cops went.
-Aliya
FEB -14/25